Hope For The Yelling Mom

Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder {RUMI}

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Words Are Not Free

We live in a society that protects the rights of freedom of speech. Although I am a firm believer in speaking your mind, I think we have lost touch with the power that our words carry.  And though we have the freedom to speak boldly, words are not free. They can cost more than we bargain for. 

Being a mother is the third most important priority in life. God being the first and my husband being the second. My kids would be the first to tell you I am quick to speak when I am upset. I came from a family of yellers and it is in my DNA. When I speak, it's loud. I firmly believe with God I am working on breaking that cycle, but it is an everyday choice to set a guard over my mouth. My words tend to be spoken on impulse. Dang it! 

 

 

I Was Supposed To Be The Parent

About 2 years ago I was really struggling to connect with my oldest daughter. I know I  cannot be the only mom out there willing to admit this. Approaching the pre teen season was NOT easy! Chloe was becoming an "individual" and no longer my "little baby girl". Somewhere during this development I had to learn to let her be her. I could no longer keep her in this box that I had created for her. She handled conflict in a way that I couldn't read. When I would be upset over something she remained calm and mellow and I read it as her just not caring about the situation. When in reality she is just a calm natured person like her Dad. I found myself being extremely harsh with my words and yelling constantly trying to get some kind of reaction. Even if it was tears. I wanted to know she understood me and I wanted to know she cared. Looking back I am brought to tears because I realize I was bullying her to meet "my needs". And I was supposed to be the parent. 

 

The Dream

During this time, one night I had a terrifying dream. In this dream I was standing in my driveway. We had built a pool on the west side of my garage and I could see Chloe off in the distance swimming. I was probably about 75-100 feet away. She turned to wave at me and out of the corner of my eye I seen two squirrels run across the pool and they started attacking her face. She began screaming and crying out for me. I felt like no matter how fast I ran I was getting no where close to her. The dream ended with it being pitch black and her screaming so loudly for me. I violently woke up from this dream hardly able to catch my breath and immediately God spoke these words into my mind. "If you are not careful with the way you speak to her, you will destroy her identity." My interpretation of this dream was her face being attacked and mutilated by squirrels and the squirrels represented me and my words. 

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It is HARD changing this habitual go to of yelling to get my point across. There are a couple of things that I have learned over the years that really do help me and I can share them in hopes that maybe other mom's who struggle can start making the change as well. 

 

Prayer~                                     

The main thing any mother can do is to take this situation straight to prayer and seek His guidance. No one is more tender and compassionate than our God. The mercy and long-suffering of Christ is a great motivator when seeking righteousness. Ask God to help you be a better mom or dad. The most important advice I can give any mother is to have grace for yourself. God nor your child expect you to be the "perfect parent". We are all human. A simple prayer like " Jesus, no matter how frustrated I am, help me to live at peace with all as far as it depends on me." Show the same mercy and kindness you want from your Heavenly Father. 

       God nor your child expect you to be the perfect parent

Apologize~

Be willing to apologize often! Don't make excuses for your behavior. Children are people too. They are little but their hearts are mighty. Model how to act when you make a mistake. 

They are little but their hearts are mighty

Recognizing The Triggers~

I have struggled with a mood disorder linked with depression and anxiety for the last 12 years. So medication is a MUST for me. I cannot miss doses of my medication. It is highly important to take care of my mental health in order for me to be the mom I need to be. Large crowds, clutter, loud noise, my cycle, the unplanned, and losing control of a situation all play major roles in my mood as well. Recognizing the triggers can give you a chance to have a plan or an alternative route to avoid a situation! If possible!

 

Put Yourself In Time Out~

It's ok to put yourself in timeout. Mom's need alone time. The introvert within myself SCREAMS for alone time. It is the only way I can gain energy. This is the perfect time for you to enhance your prayer life and dig into God's word. I found this prayer online and it speaks deep <3

 

 

A Yelling Mama's Prayer

"Rescue Me"

God, please help me to be kind.

Help me to gentle. Help me to be loving.

You know that this is not how I am feeling right now.

You know I am frustrated with__________________

Even though I ask you daily to order my day,

I struggle to receive the interruptions

and challenges with grace.

Please help me to lean on you in times like this.

Rescue me God from the damage that I can do if I

don't surrender to You! Holy Spirit guide me!

Help me to love my child well,

guarding my tongue, while parenting

with consistency and grace.

AMEN

elisapulliam.com/moretobe.com

 

Ask For Accountability

Now this means you have to be willing to be humble and accept when someone tells you you need to CHILL! While writing this blog I must say I had a rather frustrating day and struggled with my attitude and words. I'm just being transparent. Lying in bed, I asked my husband to hold me accountable when I am being grouchy. If you could have seen his head turn towards me and the look on his face. It was like a scene from a horror movie. I seriously laughed so hard because I knew it was him thinking "Do I want a death sentence?" If you really desire to change and seek freedom from the bondage of anger then let go of your pride and the need to be right! 

 

Let go of your pride and the need to be right

There is hope for the yelling moms.